Precious Moments…

What do you love about you? I asked this of both of my kiddos this week. I reflect on my childhood and remember my feelings of self-worth so often coming from external praise.  As a parent I have spent much time trying to figure out how to help my children see their own worth. And so I asked… What do you love about you? As Ayla and I lay swinging in the hammock, she smiled so big and said HORSES! Somehow I knew that might be her answer, so I rephrased. What do you love about Ayla?  She sat contemplative for a moment, staring at the sky. The clouds were animated and she and I had just finished finding pictures in them as they danced across the twilight blue. “My kind heart” she finally said and then paused as if another idea were on the horizon, “and my good thoughts” as she finished her contemplation.  Her mouth smiled wide and you could feel the warmth emanating from her in this realization. She sat with it for a moment and then off she ran in search of a bull frog to catch.

About an hour later, sitting at the dinner table, I decided to ask Dutch the same question. What do you love about you? He looked at me with his shiny eyes, reached out both hands towards me and said “YOU MOM”.  With my heart aglow in happiness, I rephrased the question again. What do you love about Dutch? Within moments, as though he had just taken a magic potion, his face awakened and a giggle burst from his lips. “I’m SILLY” he said with laughter flowing from his center and spilling all over the entire family. His giggle is like therapy spreading joy to all that hear it and in that moment he spoke his truth. The laughter continued for all of us until he began to choke from laughing so hard.  And in that moment I remembered those same feelings in the body of my youth and the authenticity of those feelings.

My dad has cancer and is peaceful in his thoughts around death. I drove home the other night, witness to a beautiful sunset. I thought about death, my mind and heart unsettled at the thought of the loss of that relationship in my life. He has always been a light in my life, that positive force propelling me forward through witnessing his example.  And then as the sun sank low in the sky, bright and orange, a glow radiated upwards and I realized his peace comes from a life lived true to himself. He has done the things that brought him great joy. He filled his days with meaning and love. He is full.  The roots of my inquiry with my kids is held in the lesson he teaches me still.